Remember, they’re half them. Addiction in the Family

 

half them Addiction

BE GENTLE!!!

Everyone gets mad at their ex and almost everyone says negative stuff about their ex’s behavior or personality.  Lots of people even do so while living in the same house together.  It may be normal but it is no less destructive or hurtful.  Think about these simple statements: “His father is a piece of crap (nice word inserted).”  “Her mother doesn’t care about anyone but herself.”  Now if you or your family spent years telling your child wonderful things like; “Oh my God, you look just like your father, you have your mother’s eyes” and even the classic; “the apple doesn’t fall far from the tree” then here is the possible childhood interpretation of the preceding pronouncements about their parents.  “I’m just like my father so I must be ½ of a piece of crap too” and “since my mother doesn’t care about anyone she must not care about me, hence internalized as I’m worthless and unlovable.”

I’m not going to belabor these points, you get it.  As a person who has spent 30 years of his life helping addicts and others with damaged self esteem I promise you that the mind of the modern child, who is taught genetics in elementary school, will interpret these careless character assassinations personally and take them quite to heart.

We all know anger is a negative emotion but it is also a destructive one.  It gets on everybody in the room.  I know you don’t want to intentionally hurt your child but are you protecting them from unrestrained momentary lapses in judgment?  Are you protecting them from unbridled anger and resentment?

Let them keep the innocence of how they view their forefathers until they are required to face grown up issues.  If they need to know something the best recommendation that I can make is to let someone impartial speak to them; a clergy, a counselor or even their elder siblings.

Love is more than a hug, a nice gesture or a smile; love is also sacrifice, so perhaps our sacrificing our anger and resentment to a time where it is actually productive is called for.  If we still have this type of anger and if we cannot control it, perhaps we need some professional or spiritual help too.

Emmanuel S. John

Learn more @ addictioninthefamily.com

***(Like almost everything posted on this blog/page the data is an Intellectual Property of this author (Emmanuel S. John and should be sighted accordingly if reproduced.)

HAVE LESS FEAR AND YOU’LL HAVE LESS RELAPSE! Addiction in the Family

Freedom from bondage addiction

From the book

ADDICTION AM I POWERLESS  by Emmanuel S. John

Available on this site

Fear

There is another popular expression in the recovery community about FEAR. They have created an acronym for F.E.A.R. it goes, “F–(f-word) Everything, And, Run,” (F.E.A.R.)  This perspective is perfect for our purposes because as we have learned already, when the addict becomes overwhelmed they will resort to their Fight or Flight (limbic programming) and try to rebel against or escape from their discomfort.  They will move away from the threat, real or imagined.  They will flee the scene and take flight into their past behavior of treating their emotional unrest with the chemical.  They will resort to the use of the Freudian defense mechanisms of denial, externalization, projection, and rationalization; just to name a few.

The solution to fear is safety.  Giving the newly recovering addict a safe place to heal, grow and thrive is vital to avoiding this flight back into their chemical use.  While “home” may seem like a good place to feel that safety it rarely works out for the better.  Guilt, resentment, shame and remorse are too prevalent in the family of addiction.  This does not mean that they have to leave the home but it does mean that the stressors and relapse triggers will need to be addressed.  More complicated is the option of sending the addict off to some a far away treatment program to establish their recovery.  It’s a quick fix but returning them home without serious reintegration into the local recovery community or via a half way house is doomed to fail.

The important task here is to reduce the stressors and threats of families breaking up, jobs being lost, legal ramifications and by avoiding places where the using was prevalent.

Emmanuel S. John

Learn more @ addictioninthefamily.com

Buy the book  ” Am I Powerless: A user’s guide to the truth”

Available on this page now with free shipping and handling

***(Like almost everything posted on this blog/page the data is an Intellectual Property of this author (Emmanuel S. John and should be sighted accordingly if reproduced.)

GET SERIOUS!!! – Addiction in the Family

This too shall pass Addiction

The Top 10 Things Required to Recover and Stay Clean & Sober

  1. Stop Using

Nothing starts without stopping the use of all mood altering drugs of abuse

  1. Learn about the problem

You don’t currently possess the information you need.  If you did you’d be clean.  Get a sponsor who can teach you and to whom you can listen and learn from.  Go to meetings and treatment.

  1. Use information to begin treating your self

Start applying what you learn from the fellowships, treatment and your sponsor to Self-diagnose the real severity of the problem.  Put the tools to work!

  1. Reduce frame of reference

This is one day at a time, one hour at a time, one minute at a time.  This is breaking time down into bite size pieces you can handle.  Develop a daily schedule, review that with your sponsor or therapist.

  1. Rearrange activities to support recovery

Go to the people who have already solved this riddle.  Learn the difference between necessary risk and unnecessary risk.  Review with someone else who knows.

  1. Make abstinence and recovery unconditional

Some say a S.L.I.P. is when Sobriety Loses It’s Priority; make it Priority #1.  Resolve to not use, no matter what.

  1. Inform significant others of your recovery plan.

By telling others about your recovery plans you become accountable.  Not telling others is a sign of reservations. Not getting a sponsor is a sign of you still thinking you are not powerless.

  1. Examine relapse triggers

These can be emotional states, certain people or groups of people, places where you used a lot and places where there is nothing else to do but use.

  1. Develop a relapse prevention plan.

This is a plan of what you will do when you want to use. A plan that is already in place before you find yourself in that spot.  A list of numbers you will have to call before you let yourself use.  Manage your emotions.  Talk about your craving with others, even after they have passed.

  1. Put your plan into action.

Create a way you can tell if you are doing what you need to.  Going to 90 meetings in 90 days, 7 meetings a week. Going to a step meeting once a week, meeting with your sponsor, weekly therapy sessions, read a piece of literature everyday etc…  If possible let your sponsor or someone else monitor your compliance, confront you when you’re not.  Look for progress not perfection.

Emmanuel S. John

Learn more @ addictioninthefamily.com

Buy the book  ” Am I Powerless: A user’s guide to the truth”

Available on this page now with free shipping and handling

 

***(Like almost everything posted on this blog/page the data is an Intellectual Property of this author (Emmanuel S. John and should be sighted accordingly if reproduced.)